Pushing limits, the good kind. Crossfit

So how do you celebrate a hundred days of sobriety?  Well admitting I had an addiction was a humbling experience that changed my life.  So I figured I would engage in yet another humbling experience.  My normie friend Rob just started Crossfit.  I thought to myself that would be really good for me.  So I got up and dragged all damn near 300 pounds of me down for an introductory evaluation.  I had to get on a rower for 1000 meters.  Next I was off to doing 40 squats.  Then I think I got to the pushups before almost vomiting.  That was the end of the workout.  I had to quit.  As I pulled myself together and got ready to leave the instructor encouraged me to workout on my own for a bit and come back and try again.  I explained that I am an addict and I need to be accountable to a group.  I asked how much they charged for personal training sessions and bought 10 of them.  So now I will be going twice a week and working out on my own in between.
Today I went back for my first personal training session.  The trainer took me through some great new stretches and functional exercises.  Then it was time for my workout to begin.  I has to run 200 meters, 18 pushups, 18 squats, 18 ring rows, then walk a few laps of the gym while catching my breath a little.  Next I was in to 14 pushups, 14 squats, and then 14 ring rows.  When I wrapped those up I told the trainer I was done.  I had nothing left to give. He thought differently.  So I hung in for 9 pushups, 9 squats, and 9 ring rows.  Yes! I did it! I survived.  Then the trainer reminded me I still had one more 200 meter run.  Out the door and 200 meters I ran.
This wouldn't even be a warm up for many people.  For me it was the physically hardest thing I have done in years.  I wanted to quit because it was hard.  That's what I do as an addict.  Instead, I fought through the pain and exhaustion.  I lived in consultation by listening to my trainer when all I wanted to do was give in to the voice telling me to quit.  By doing those few things I made it through.  I can apply the things I have learned in recover in the gym.  In treatment I worked out my spirituality and my mind.  At Crossfit I am working out my body.
If you are trying to recover from a substance or process addiction, please start exercising consistently.  Start easy but gradually increase the intensity and duration.  Push your body, it will push your mind.  Suddenly you will be seeing things that you couldn't do becoming things you can do.  Do the next right thing.

Recovery, it's not just for the addict.

Recover is a frustrating process.  As addicts in recovery we work very hard at living differently and we are sometimes saddened that our efforts don't bring a change in attitudes from those close to us.  In our minds, every day is an eternity and we have been clean for 9 days.  We can't begin to understand why our spouses, parent's, or children continue to treat us as if we were in active addiction.  The answer lies in the fact that those close to us have their own recovery to do.  Whether our addiction was alcohol, drugs, sex, eating disorder, gambling, or spending, we are not the only victims of the disease.  Anyone close to us has been affected by our addiction.  They are wary of being hurt again.  Many of them have been exposed to the term relapse and the fear that comes with it as they have attempted to learn about our illness.
Recovery would be much easier if we all came  equipped with a digital display on our foreheads that would show where we were in our recovery process.  There are no published guidelines that tell us when to expect different stages of our recovery to take place.  Everyone has a different timeline and that includes our family members.  The key to relief for me in this situation is the lessons taught in step one.  I am powerless over my addiction and I have to surrender to myself to so much in my recovery process.  I am also powerless over other people's recovery processes and timelines.  All I can do is keep doing the next right thing and working my program. In time one of two things will happen.  People will either decide that they like the change that they see and choose to be a part of my life or they will decide that they are not interested in being part of my life.  I have no control over that other than just working on myself and my recovery.  The concept gives me both fear and relief, but that is just rigorous honesty talking.